Oil Life, Happy Wife

  I really struggle this time of year with traditions. For all of my parents' faults, they did manage to make this time of year magical. Thanksgiving was one of my favorite holidays. I looked forward to a table full of yummy food we only had in November. I enjoyed listening to my mom, aunt, and Granny in the kitchen preparing food and telling stories. I never learned how to make the dishes because they were supposed to be around forever.  As I got older the holidays got really hectic. We were going to five different places for Thanksgiving and Christmas just to see everyone. I started dreading the festive months because they were so busy and stressful. The kids didn't have any time to spend with their gifts before we had to rush off. It just wasn't fun anymore.  Later, our family broke apart and there were a lot less of us meeting for holidays. I was fine with that. I made my own choices. But, that warm holiday feeling I grew up with was gone. There were no more family st...

When Jordan was little he had the most magical elementary school experience. One that I took for granted at first. I thought he lucked up with a string of great teachers, but it was so much more than that.  As the years go by and I interact more with other schools I realize that what we have at Suter is not common. Don't get me wrong, there are amazing teachers everywhere. Leland had some of kindest, most patient women I've ever met for pre-k. That school as a whole was just not the same.  We've been through a lot during our time at Suter. Jordan started kindergarten in the old building and then moved to the new one. I enjoyed being a parent volunteer in his classroom until I had Leland. We were always at school for different events and extra-curriculars. We have watched amazing teachers and staff come and go. Then when Jordan moved on to middle school Leland started there. We went through all the covid chaos and survived. And now I work at the very place I have loved all t...

About six months after Daddy and I started dating he made an announcement. He said we were getting a chihuahua. He explained that his family's dogs had a litter of them and he had always wanted a white one. I told him that I really wanted it to be a girl. He said, "You're in luck, there is a girl that's white." The excitement began, and we impatiently awaited the call to come pick up our new addition. When your litter was six weeks old we were told you were weaned and we got the green light.  We drove all the way out to Jay and found a kiddie pool full of the smallest puppies I had ever seen. They pointed out which one was ours, and she was beautiful. She was also a little reserved. She stayed put in the pool and looked at us curiously. You pounced right to us, and beckoned us to play with you. It was that exact moment that you stole our hearts. Dad looked at me and asked what I thought. I told him that I was a little nervous that the first one would be stand offi...

I always knew I would be a rock star mom. I would use all the fun parts of my childhood and prevent all the pain and suffering I had endured. I would get the job right. I knew that was my destiny... Until I had kids. My first child was hyperactive, sure, but mostly he would absolutely talk your ears off. It was intensely stressful until he was about 5 years old. Then our small family got into a groove. We could go places and do things and actually have fun together. It felt like we could finally breathe. About a year later I found out I was pregnant again. I was wrecked emotionally. Why did things have to change? We were finally in a good place. We were enjoying life and we were happy. After giving birth to our youngest I realized I had been afraid for no reason. He was absolutely perfect in every way. I had never seen a baby smile so much. He was happy all the time.  Then after his first birthday everything changed. He became a ravenous monster I didn't recognize. He was angry and...

Dear Me, Right now you are 20 years old. You have led quite the life up to this point. I promise your future will be just as eventful. I'm a little more than a year away from your 40th birthday. I wanted to talk to you for a minute about your body. You live in Florida and you always wear jeans unless you are at the beach because you hate your legs. You despise the light stretch marks on your hips that you've had since your growth spurt in the 5th grade. You are incredibly self-conscious about the slight pudge in the lower part of your belly. You think your cheeks are fat and they make you look like a chipmunk. You have always thought your boobs and butt were too small. You have always been your worst critic. But I need you to listen to me.  Think about things rationally for a minute. Do you think that bodies get better over time? People are not fine wine. Metabolism slows down. Skin gets wrinkly. Joints swell and fill with fluid. Things sag. You know that saying, "You don...

A great storm is brewing around the topic of ABA therapy. Some autistic adults have spoken out about how traumatic their experiences in ABA were. I am in no way discounting their stories. But now there is a mounting movement against ABA claiming that it is harmful to children. As with any treatment, what works for some does not work for all. From my book Autism Doesn't Own Us Anymore, here is our personal experience with ABA... " The next week Leland had his first ABA appointment. I went back with him, and she explained that they were going to be spending time on appropriate uses of emotions. Leland ran around and pulled half the items off her shelf. I frantically tried to find something that wasn’t destructive for him to do while glancing over my shoulder at the woman, nodding, and saying, “Uh huh” over and over. I thought emotions seemed like a reasonable place to start, given his typical emotional chaos. I was wrong. The next few appointments were horrific. Remember when I ...

Autism is not a superpower.  It may be a good image for a poster, but it is not reality. Autism is a developmental disorder characterized by difficulty in social interaction and communication and by restricted or repetitive patterns of thought and behavior. Does that sound like a superhuman, superior power to you?  Superpowers do things like allow people to fly, become invisible, have superhuman strength, heal themselves, teleport, etc.  Superpowers don't tear families apart. They don't make you contemplate whether life is worth living. They don't make little kids self-injure or hurt those they love. Superpowers don't keep people from being able to care for themselves. They don't cause adults to wear diapers forever. They don't keep children from communicating with their parents. The term "neurodiversity" makes me crazy. Kids with autism are not just born different. They have to acquire a diagnosis which then requires treatment. That is not something t...