Start Enjoying Motherhood Now

I always knew I would be a rock star mom. I would use all the fun parts of my childhood and prevent all the pain and suffering I had endured. I would get the job right. I knew that was my destiny... Until I had kids.

My first child was hyperactive, sure, but mostly he would absolutely talk your ears off. It was intensely stressful until he was about 5 years old. Then our small family got into a groove. We could go places and do things and actually have fun together. It felt like we could finally breathe.

About a year later I found out I was pregnant again. I was wrecked emotionally. Why did things have to change? We were finally in a good place. We were enjoying life and we were happy.

After giving birth to our youngest I realized I had been afraid for no reason. He was absolutely perfect in every way. I had never seen a baby smile so much. He was happy all the time. 

Then after his first birthday everything changed. He became a ravenous monster I didn't recognize. He was angry and aggressive with us and others. He didn't listen to a soul. Our boy showed no regard for safety.

All of my worst fears had come to pass until we found a protocol that helped him. The aggression left. He caught up on skills. He started to participate and listen. Our son was coming back to us.

But much like the aftermath of a hurricane I was left tattered and destroyed. I had no energy, no patience, and no joy. I felt like a complete failure as a mother. Once you have been trapped in that chaotic place and you get stuck in survival mode it's nearly impossible to find your way out. 

But starting today, I'm done. There will be no more wallowing. No more stressing the small stuff or getting upset at things that don't really matter. Parenting isn't ever easy. It's not supposed to be. 

But I am consciously choosing to start enjoying motherhood now. The catastrophic challenges we once had are gone. Each day we have been given is a gift. And it's time I start acting like it. 




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