I Hope You Know

About six months after Daddy and I started dating he made an announcement. He said we were getting a chihuahua. He explained that his family's dogs had a litter of them and he had always wanted a white one. I told him that I really wanted it to be a girl. He said, "You're in luck, there is a girl that's white." The excitement began, and we impatiently awaited the call to come pick up our new addition. When your litter was six weeks old we were told you were weaned and we got the green light. 

We drove all the way out to Jay and found a kiddie pool full of the smallest puppies I had ever seen. They pointed out which one was ours, and she was beautiful. She was also a little reserved. She stayed put in the pool and looked at us curiously. You pounced right to us, and beckoned us to play with you. It was that exact moment that you stole our hearts. Dad looked at me and asked what I thought. I told him that I was a little nervous that the first one would be stand offish, but I loved how playful you were. Without a second thought we snatched you up and took you home. When we got you home you had a hard time settling, so Daddy went to the store and got you two doggie beanie babies to snuggle up with in our bed so it would feel like home. Then after we went to sleep, you peed on Daddy's pillow...twice.

We lived in an apartment, so we litter box trained you because we weren't suppose to have pets. I kept my shoes by the door so I could put them on to go out to smoke. You developed this habit of attacking my shoes while I was trying to put them on. It was funny but also kind of obnoxious. You went everywhere we did. We put you in my purse to go in stores. You always went on the boat with us. You loved to ride behind our necks in the car. I was diagnosed with endometriosis and spent almost all of my time laid up feeling awful, but you were right there by my side. You loved to snuggle and would always lick me on the nose. When I made dinner every night I would make a tiny little plate for you. You would eat what you wanted and then stash the rest all over the house. We used to find little pieces of food everywhere. 

I remember the first time you barked. We were on the way to Miami and we stopped for food. There was a suspicious man on the corner and you were not feeling it. After that you barked at anything that appeared to be moving on its own that shouldn't be. You weren't a fan of plastic bags or balloons at all. While we were in Miami we went to the Everglades National Park. I have pictures of you as a puppy standing next to huge alligators. The park employees didn't even notice you until it was time to go. They said you weren't allowed to be there because it was "a threat to the animals." Dad and I thought it made you sound pretty badass. 

Grammy has had a bunch of dogs the whole time I've known her. Your birth father, Tater, was the most amazing dog. He was my favorite until you came along. He was beautiful and sweet. He had the best personality. When I met Dad, Grammy's oldest dog was Skeeter. He seemed REALLY old. He was a little gangly and missing most of his teeth. I remember when he passed away like it was yesterday. I thought about his age. He was 16 years old. I knew that was it. That was our expiration date. It felt like a knife in my heart, and yet 16 years seemed really far away. You were so tiny.

You were the smartest, coolest girl. You had a big basket of stuffed squeaky toys. Dad would tell you to go get a specific one and you would do it. It didn't matter that there were multiple toys of the same type of animal. You always got the particular one he requested. You also played this hilarious game with him that we called Good Dog/Bad Dog. Dad would pet over your head and down your bad softly and say, "I'm a nice dog." You would sit their calmly. Then he would do the same thing again and say, "Now I'm a bad dog!" You would turn from angelic to vicious in the blink of an eye. It looked like you were ripping him apart, but you never left a mark. 

The first time Jordan ever laughed was at you and Ella. You were chasing her around the bed in circles and he thought you guys were hilarious. Later, when we moved to Seminole you were so happy. You had tons of room to run around and chase birds and squirrels. One day there was a family of raccoons eating deer corn at the far end of the yard. Well you weren't letting any trespassing heathens in your yard. You took off before anyone could stop you. I was a little scared for you, buy you kicked their asses. There were a few small scratches on your chest when you came home, but I'd say you definitely showed them who was boss. 

Come to think of it, you're not a big fan of dolphins either. And if you could get to them I think you'd tear them up too. You used to love to sleep in the front of the boat in the sun and one day a dolphin came right up and blew out of his blowhole and scared you half to death. Dolphins are now your mortal enemies.

Once Jordan grew into a toddler it was safe to say that I was no longer your favorite person. You decided that the frequent demands of motherhood had tarnished my worthiness. You needed Daddy's help to maintain the princess life you had become accustomed to. And he was happy to oblige. You started following him around the house and sitting with him on the couch. He spoiled you even if I said "that's too much table food" or "she's gonna make a mess with that" or "you know if you put that on the floor she's gonna pee on it." He didn't care. Whatever you wanted, you got. I guess I should have been a little hurt that you switched owners on me, but I knew you deserved all the pampering that he was willing to give.

You still like to snuggle me, and I take care of you when you're sick. But Dad is definitely your person now. When he works on things outside you stand at the steps and whine. When he's at work you lay there waiting patiently for him. You try to eat ALL of his food. We always joked about getting a baby sling for him to carry you in.

As I am typing this you are lying on my chest snoring softly. Your health is fading and I know your days are numbered. You turned 16 just over a month ago. I've known this day was coming, and yet the time just went too fast. We would give anything to make you that vibrant, playful puppy again. Dad is currently angry with God. He says it's not fair that other animals get to live longer, and he's right. 

So as my tears flow I just want to say this... I hope you know how much we love you. I hope you know how much joy you have given us. I hope you know we will miss you every single day. This last month has torn a hole in my heart. I know if you could talk you'd say, "Fill the hole with cheese, Mama. Everything's better with cheese." Give all our love to the chihua-latives, baby girl. ❤