My Clock Must Be Different

I keep hearing other parents say that one must cherish every day in our children's lives because time goes by so fast. They act like if you blink you are going to miss their childhood entirely. And I get it. Time is strange. If you look into the future things seems very far away. If you look into the past, it's quite the opposite. 

I have been with my husband for over 16 years, and I can remember the day we met like it was yesterday. Someone asked me the other day where we are planning to send my Kindergartener to middle school. I thought wow, that seems so far away. But when it gets here it will seem like no time has passed at all. So I understand time can be a mysterious, fickle thing.

 But I keep thinking that I must be telling time by a different clock than most people. Each day of parenthood feels like it lasts for 100 years. I have been a mom for 12 years, and it seems like the parenting portion of this ride has lasted wayyyy longer than the before time. And there is still plenty of track left to go. 

I love my kids with my whole heart, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them. I love hearing Jordan tell me about things he is excited about. I can't wait to snuggle with Leland and read at night. I take special care to create memories I hope they will hold with them forever. 

Having said that, they push me to the brink of sanity every single day. Is it like that for everyone? I always see people posting about their seemingly perfect adventures. Like they would freeze time and stay there forever.

I don't want time to stop, or even slow down. Does that make me crazy? I want my kids to keep growing and learning. I want them to move out and have their own adventures. I'm going to be all the things my parents never were. I'm going to respect what they want out of life, and as long as they are happy, I'll be happy. I'm actually looking forward to the time after they move out. Not factiously, but realistically. I'm anxious to to give my husband all the time and attention that went to the kids all these years. 

Life is an evolution of phases. I refuse to cling to each one and beg it to stay. I'm also not wishing phases away. Of course I look back and miss some of the old days, but I don't want to go there. This is my life and I'm living it day by day. Even if the days feel agonizingly slow. It's time to greet the new things as they come and be thankful for the time we have. 





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